I Wish I had a Middle- Eastern Friend with an Alternative Lifestyle

Most days at work for me are very similar. Now I do different things or go to different meetings, but they are pretty much the same. It doesn’t always bother me, because I like routine. I like habit. Most days, most things are very similar. I pretty much wear the same combination of clothes every day (not the same clothes, just the same style). I drive 3 different ways to work, varying my route every day depending on my mood. I usually eat lunch at 1 of 3 places. I have a routine when I get in the office. Tuesdays are usually the most bland day of the week for me. Pretty vanilla. But last Tuesday was an oasis in the desert that is my habitual work day.

I have grown up loving music. My parents were Baptist. No cussing (unless sports were involved). No sagging. No skateboarding. No Disney movies for a long season of time. No Fresh-Prince of Bel-Air. They were conservative on almost every issue. Except music. For Christmas as an 8-year-old I received a Sony Walkman from my mom. I received only one cassette that Christmas- Abbey Road- from my dad. He didn’t buy me another album for 9 months. He said I needed a good musical foundation (Abbey Road is still my all-time favorite album to this day). We used to listen to Guns-N-Roses when my mom wasn’t around. My dad told me I should hate John Travolta (except for in Pulp Fiction), because John Travolta was the physical embodiment of Disco (the enemy of Rock n Roll). Somehow, my Mom was simultaneously teaching me to appreciate the movie Grease…it wasn’t long until my dad caught wind. He put a very sudden stop to this. (I think my dad could beat up Danny Zuko.)

Anyway, as I was driving to work after lunch the other day I turned the radio on and couldn’t find a good song on any station. (Which brings me to a theory: that at most times all songs playing at the same time on any given person’s preset radio positions are of the same quality at all times…meaning there is never just one good song on at a time. Fate wills you to choose between Strawberry Wine or Champagne Supernova. Between Gangsta’s Paradise or Summer of ’69. Or, all the songs on at that time just suck. Or they are all on commercial. Radio commercials make me want to throw a Molotov Cocktail through a pet shop window) But on this day, there was only one good song on the radio- “Fat Bottomed Girls” by Queen.

It was right at the beginning of the song. I turned the volume up. I was suddenly happier. I started to drive faster. (A direct result of louder music) As the voice of Freddie Mercury came ringing through the speakers, I found myself singing every single word. Now I don’t know how on earth I know nearly every single word to that song- but I do. In fact, as I sang out embarrassingly loud, I found myself wondering if Brian May still had that same haircut (my mom had a similar haircut in the 90's). Another mystery- how do I know who Brian May is? I mean, who does?!?! (Besides, of course, your dad) But how do I know the names of the members of this band, plus all the words to a staggering number of their songs? This world is full of mysteries.

The song ended and I knew that I had to have more. I came into my office and bought Queen’s greatest hits. Over the next 2 hours, I read everything I could find out about Queen. I also watched some of their live performances. They sound every bit as good live as they do on the album. (Like Axl Rose…HA!)

Freddie Mercury died of Aids in 1991. I was six-years-old. I didn’t know what that was back then. I do now. I also am now old enough to know that the content of “Fat Bottomed Girls” is not suitable for children under the age of puberty.

I shouldn’t like Queen. Its not really Rock n Roll. It exists somewhere between drama and music. Its like listening to theatre (not theatre like The Who’s Tommy- real theatre). I shouldn’t like Queen because their lead singer is a Middle Eastern that died of AIDS. Growing up in Texas as a Baptist, this combination might have qualified him to be the Anti-Christ. I shouldn’t like Queen because I can’t relate to any of their songs. The world is not out to get me. Who am I going to “rock” anyway?!?!

But the truth is, I really like Queen. I wish I could see Queen in concert. I wish Brian May would come to my birthday party. I wish Freddie Mercury was my friend. (Just friends, though)

These were the thoughts going through my head last Tuesday afternoon as I drove home from work. It had been a good day. And that night, I wore a Queen t-shirt.